Words that punch you in the stomach

“We need to talk
..But not now.”

05-06-2014 © 6shadesofbitter.

Stop smiling at me like that

You’re all up in me
I can’t stay
But going isn’t an option either
When I decide to leave
You pull me back
When I decide to stay
You push me away

While you’re not pushing or pulling
You just sit there and let it happen
You’re in control of the strings
Attached to me
And you don’t even realize it

What is this trap you’ve caught me in?

 

23-02-2014 © 6shadesofbitter.

Be careful what you cook, Julius

The anger fills me up
The empty spaces are no longer empty
The missed parts are no longer empty
The broken pieces are no longer empty
As it fills me up I can feel everything in me changing

Changing in anger and hate
Yet I’m calm

Boiling and boiling and boiling
Can you give me something to cover this up?
Before I overcook
Ruin the stove
And we don’t want the stove ruined, now do we?

The lid is removed on purpose
But if you remove the lid
You have to understand that it gets messy
Who is going to clean up the mess?

It’s not me, as I am not me

03-09-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

Mathematically defined surface

Black hole sees
Black hole claims
Black hole absorbs
And black hole eats

No one can escape it
Nothing can escape it
Nothing can escape the power of the big destroyer
No one can influence its eternal hunger for more

It seeks and eats
It doesn’t discriminate
It doesn’t care about your history
It doesn’t care about your knowledge
It doesn’t care about your goals
It doesn’t care about your personality
It doesn’t care about your existence
It seeks and eats

But what if escaping is not the main purpose?
And how do I send the invite?

Let’s have dinner with the winner of all sinners

10-06-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

The dark room

Gasping in my ear
I can feel your heat
I can feel your heart
I can feel you sweating

Staring in your eyes
You staring back
By now you can hear the blood rushing through my veins
Your finger tips on my back
Slowly moving down my spine

Barely touching me
More gasping
Intimate
Like two becoming one

Your face touches mine
Cheek to cheek
Nose to cheek
Lips to cheek
Lips to lips

Can’t hold myself any longer
Bite your bottom lip
While I look at you
You can read my eyes

And I can read yours

05-06-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

The lion awakens

Intense
The inner me wants to escape
I can feel it
The pressure against my body
The spirit is getting bigger than the packaging

Can I control it?
Should I control it?
Do I want to control it?

How long can I stop me from me?

05-06-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

I need your face smashed on the ground

Just when
I think I got rid of you
You jump right back

If this was a a game of bungee jumping
And you jumped back again
I’d cut your rope

With no regrets at all
You’d make the final fall

13-05-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

Complaining about complaining

Just another day at the office today. Another, miserable day at the office. Don’t get me wrong: it’s okay here. But the day is miserable. This is one of those days that make you wonder about why you’re actually doing what you’re doing. Does sitting here really make a difference for your future or for society? Does it really? I can’t see how it makes a difference. I don’t. For me it’s important that I’m here for my future. Read that literally: it’s important that I’m here. Because, really, my contribution is not that big. If I’d skip a day, it’ll look like a big deal, but it actually isn’t.
So I’m wondering, what should I do to make that difference for my future? To make a difference you need to work hard. And I don’t mean sitting behind your desk from 08.30h till 17.00h. That’s not working hard. Whoever claims it is, that’s just bullshit. Bull. Shit.

If you really want to make something of your life, you need to work hard. Sweat. Call. Travel. Beg. Convince.
We all know that, yet we settle for less. We settle for an office job and complain how miserable our lives are.

I guess that’s life until we burn up.

Here you have your knife back, you left it in my back

Thorn in my throat
Fist around my heart
Tears in my eyes
Lies in my ears
Betrayal through my veins
Hate in my brain
 
Just go away..

22-04-2013 © 6shadesofbitter.

The letter that I’d love to send you

Warning: This post contains words of extreme violence that some might find disturbing and should not be read by young children.

You piece of crap,

You sicken me. Hope you choke in your saliva while you sleep. Hope you end up in the middle of nowhere, get raped in the butt with a blunt knife, dipped in acid and get salt on your wounds after. Hope you’ll drown in a big, dark ocean and that you can slowly and consciously feel the life leaving your body.

Hope you’ll end up in a Saw-scene where your teeth are getting pulled out, one by one, slowly while twisting them. Then you’ll get a mix of salt and alcohol to rinse your mouth. But you can’t spit it out, no, you need to swallow it down. And while the liquid is slowly entering your body through your esophagus, a knife will follow the liquid. You’ll be stabbed in the throat and the knife will go down, with the liquid, while still in your body. You need to be ripped open, because you’ll never learn.

While your body is – literally – open, you’ll be moved from your place. You’ll be tight up against the wall. It’s time for Chinese torture. Drip.. Drip.. Drip.. Waterdrops on the same spot, until you go insane. For hours, for days, for weeks. You need to be tortured, because you’ll never learn.

And just before you go insane all the way, you’ll get untied. Don’t worry, love, you’ll survive. And this time you’ll get a choice. Would you like to sit on a chair with rusty nails and needles or do you prefer lying down on – constantly – hot coals? Choose wisely, because you have to spend at least a day on them. You need to be punished, because you’ll never learn.

But I would never let you die. Never. I enjoy seeing you suffer way too much. No, you’re one to stay alive. Forever and ever. Until natural death do us part.

 

Yours truly,

Es.